Racetrack's 60 Ways To Annoy People
by BroadwayJunkie
Summary: Racetrack finds a list he made on how to annoy others, and he decides to put it to use on his friends, and strangers. Set in modern day
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Okay, so I know I have other fics to update and such...but I was reading the RENT fanfictions, and I got inspired by a fic called, "Roger Davis's 80 Ways To Annoy People" by FelineMimiDavis74. So I thought, "What if Racetrack had a list?!" However, the list will not be it. This will most likely be continued for four or five chapters with Race using his ways to annoy people. I'm not going to try and do all of the sixty ways, but you can suggest numbers for me to use for chapters. Enjoy!!**

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**Racetrack's 60 Ways To Annoy People**

1. Announce loudly when you are going to the bathroom.

2. As people talk, smell their shoulders.

3. Before exiting the elevator, push all the buttons.

4. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

5. Close your eyes and start snoring whenever someone tries to talk to you.

6. Pretend to hear voices in your head.

7. Randomly yell out, "Hey sexy! Looking good in the neighborhood!" When someone walks down the street.

8. Consistently refer to everyone as 'mortal.'

9. Continue to ask someone, "Is this annoying? Is this annoying?" over and over and over.

10. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

11. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.

12. Every time you see someone you may know, (or don't know) loudly shout, "So we meet again!" and laugh evilly.

13. Walk up to random people and ask them, very seriously, "Do you know the muffin man?"

14. Throw popcorn at people at the movie theatre.

15. When an actor comes on screen, start yelling, "OH MY GOSH! LOOK! LOOK ITS HIM! AHH! etc, etc,"

16. Whenever someone asks you if they can borrow some money say, "How about I roll it for you, double or nothing?"

17. Pretend you are invisible.

18. Start chirping like a cricket during an awkward silence, or whenever nobody volunteers to do something.

19. Go to a drive-through, and use an accent of your choice to order, drive up to the window and talk to the person with another accent, if another window is open continue this process to confuse them.

20. Tell telemarketers your problems.

21. Randomly yell out, "I'll race you!" And run as fast as you can to your destination. Then when your friend, (or if a random stranger walks by.) start to yell, "I beat you! HAHA! I WIN! You loser!!"

22. Place a huge order at a drive-through, and then drive off.

23. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.

24. When someone asks you, "What can I get for you?" at a restaurant or fast food place, yell to a stranger, "See he/she actually cares about me!", and continue on ordering.

25. While in an elevator scream out, "AHH! WE'RE GONNA DIE!"

26. Refer to people by nicknames, and then get mad when they don't answer to their nickname.

27. Whenever someone lights a cigarette, tackle them and yell out, "Stop, drop and roll!"

28. When in public pretend you are selling something for an infomercial.

29. Wear your pants backwards.

30. Whisper, "Chaaarlie, we're on a bridge Charlie!" in someone's ear.

31. Honk and wave to strangers.

32. Walk very slowly, and make sure nobody can get past you, move in front of them when the try.

33. Tell people their fly is down when they're wearing sweatpants.

34. Tell little children the truth about Santa Claus.

35. Walk up to a random lady and say, "That makes you look fat." and then run far, _far_, away.

36. Stare at people for about five minutes, making sure they know you're staring at them. Then, slowly sneak up to them while humming the Mission: Impossible theme. Sniff their head, then run away. Repeat.

37. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

38. When someone walks by, start screaming and yelling for help, if they stop stare at them and yell, "Batman! You came to save me!"

39. Pretend you are Spider-Man when at a restaurant.

40. When in an elevator say loudly, "Oh darn. I forgot to wear deodorant today..."

41. Start mooing whenever you hear the word 'the'.

42. Poke anyone near you and say, "stop violating my personal space."

43. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

44. Watch somebody eat at McDonald's with your face pressed up to the glass.

45. Sing the old Big Mac commercial to someone at McDonald's (even better if its at Burger King) when they ask you what would you like to order.

46. On the public bus, keep asking the driver nervously, "are we there yet?"

47. Haggle on the bus fare.

48. Make scary faces at babies.

49. Make appointments for the 31st of September.

50. Look at your hand in amazement and say, "Whoa, I never knew I had this!"

51. Announce everything you do as a group activity. (i.e. "We're going to bed now.") If someone fails to do whatever you said, accuse him/her of not being a "team player."

52. Every time you take a shower, yell audibly, "I'm melting, I'm melting!"

53. Everytime a friend enters a room yell "YAY YOU'RE BACK/HERE!" And then dance around the room for about five minutes.

54. Try to start a round of a song while on a subway, in an elevator, or on a bus.

55. Where a Burger King crown and tell everyone that they must bow before royalty. Hit those who don't.

56. Try to start a wave.

57. Haggle with the pizza man.

58. Order two toppings, then say, "No wait, they'll start fighting."

59. Tell a single friend you have just the person for them and introduce them to your imaginary friend. Make sure to get very upset when they say there is no one there.

60. At restaurants make crazy orders and when they are not fulfilled attempt to get them fired.

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**A/N: Haha, now wasn't that funny? Please review, they make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside! Next chapter...Racetrack, Blink, and Mush (maybe a few others) start using the list.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey everybody, I'm sorry it took me so long to update. Things have been busy with trying to finish up the school year and everything. But now its time for a cheesy announcement time! I have a message board with my friend who is also on here (danc4him) and its just a basic message board talking/obsessing over Newsies and other random things (mainly Newsies) If you would like to join check out my homepage or PM me for more information.**

**coughs Anyways, thanks to all of the reviewers who reviewed. If I didn't send you a reply saying thanks, I'm so sorry but I really appreciate you guys reviewing! It made me feel all warm and fuzzy.**

**So here's chapter two! Enjoy!**

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Racetrack, Kid Blink and Mush sat around the apartment they all shared, Mush was learning how to make origami, Blink was reading a magazine and Racetrack was reading over his list. Blink and Mush were the only two who knew about his list, but it was a long time ago since they last enforced it.

"I'm bored." Blink stated a few minutes later.

Racetrack smiled, this would be a great opportunity to annoy people. "Hey, I know something we can do!" He said, rattling the piece of paper that held the list.

"Race, is that the list you made on how to annoy people?" Mush asked. Racetrack nodded in response.

Blink threw down his magazine, and scrambled up onto the couch next to Racetrack. "Its been forever since we last saw that."

"I know, and that is why we are reviving the list." He stood up, solemnly. "We must do the revival dance."

Blink and Mush stood up solemnly as well as they watched Racetrack put the piece of paper on the ground. The three of them formed a circle around it. "Let us begin." Racetrack said. All three boys began to dance around the piece of paper crazily, making battle cries, turkey mating calls, and other strange noises. "All right!" Racetrack said, "It is finished." He picked up the piece of paper with Blink and Mush singing falsetto 'oohs' and 'ah's. "At last! Our reviving is complete." He unfolded the piece of paper, skimming over the list. "Now...the question is, which one should we do first?"

There was silence in the apartment, as the three of them thought. Mush all of a sudden exclaimed, "We could wear our pants backwards!"

Racetrack and Blink looked at each other and shrugged, "Sure, that works." Blink said.

"But wearing our pants backwards isn't annoying enough. How about we wear our pants backwards, skip down the streets, smell people's shoulders, I'll wear a Burger King crown, haggle the bus fare, and ask them if they know the Muffin Man." Racetrack said, excitedly. "Now my mortals, let us wear our pants backwards!" He exclaimed as he jumped on the couch and laughed evilly.

Blink cleared his throat, "Hey Race,"

"Yeah?"

"Don't call us your mortals."

"Fine."

--

Racetrack, Mush and Blink were a sight to see, their pants were on backwards. They were holding hands and skipping through the streets of New York singing at the top of their lungs.

"Who's fleece was white as snooooooooww!!" They harmonized the last note of their song.

They were now at the bus stop, and people were staring. Some were laughing, some were shaking their heads, and some rolled their eyes.

"Now my mortals," Racetrack began, but was cut off by Blink clearing his throat again. "Fine, sorry. Now, we will put the list to affect!" He said, laughing evilly again.

Mush leaned over to Blink and whispered, "Why are we friends with him again?"

"Because he forced us."

"Oh yeah..."

Racetrack was busy looking at people, trying to find their first victim. There was a lady that looked to be in her thirties, who seemed really busy. _"Perfect,"_ Racetrack thought, grinning. He walked over to her. "Excuse me ma'am," He said. "I was wondering, do you know the Muffin Man?"

"The Muffin Man?" She repeated.

"The Muffin Man."

"No...I..." She paused as Racetrack began to smell her shoulders. "What are you doing?!" She exclaimed, "Excuse me, young man."

"You have lovely shoulders." Racetrack mumbled.

She huffed, "That's it. I'm taking the subway!" She stalked off.

Mush began to laugh hysterically, "Did you see that?!" He exclaimed, "Racetrack said, "You have lovely shoulders", and..." He was cut off by Blink.

"I'm standing right here, Mush. I heard what she said."

Racetrack put his arm around Blink, "Now wasn't that great? Number Two on the list is completed!"

There was then sputtering and other random noises as the bus pulled up to the stop. Racetrack cleared his throat as he looked over at Blink, "You wanna handle this one?"

"Why me?"

Racetrack then gestured over to Mush who was watching ants crawl down the sidewalk and laughing.

"I see your point."

Racetrack put his arm around Blink, "So will ya?"

"Nah, I'll let you do this one." He replied.

By now most of the people were on the bus, Racetrack ran and jumped onto the bus. "Heya mister," He said, not noticing the gender of the bus driver.

"I'm a woman."

"You're a woman?!" He exclaimed in disbelief. The bus driver did look quite...manly.

The bus driver sighed, "Yes. Pay the fare and get in the back."

"Well you see about that, I need change for a quarter."

She stared at him, "Sir, the fare is a quarter."

"Yeah, well I need to buy a gum ball for my dear, dear friend, ma'am." He said, grabbing Blink and holding him close for emphasis. "He's sick, and if he doesn't have a gum ball every hour he'll um...have a panic attack. So I was just wondering if you could spot me the fare for me and my friends."

She obviously didn't buy his story, "Sir, pay the fare and get in the back."

"Ma'am, do you want my friend to have a panic attack?"

She sighed again. Now she was really mad. That's how you could tell if someone was mad, they would sigh over and over. "Sir, get in the back."

"If my friend has a..."

"IN THE BACK NOW!" The lady yelled, causing the three friends to jump. The entire state probably jumped. No, people in China probably jumped too.

Mush and Blink scrambled to the back of the bus. Racetrack sauntered down the aisles, ignoring the glares and the sighs from the unhappy people. He sat next to his friends and pulled the list out of his pocket. "Number forty seven, done." He said, looking at the list.

"Now what?" Mush asked.

Racetrack folded the list back up and put it in his pocket. "Now, we will got to Burger King and tell them its my birthday and I want a crown."

The bus stopped and went as they dropped off people at their destinations. It finally pulled in front of a few stores, Burger King being one of them.

"Ma'am, thank you for..." Racetrack began to say.

"Get off of my bus, now." The lady said through clenched teeth.

"O-okay, um see ya." He stuttered, before hopping off of the bus.

The bus driver sighed, "I hope not." She mumbled inaudibly as she drove off, leaving the three boys in front of Burger King.

"This is just perfect!" Racetrack exclaimed as they walked through the doors of Burger King.

A few minutes later they came out. Racetrack had a crown on his head, and was beaming. Mush and Blink followed, stuffing their faces with cheeseburgers.

Racetrack went towards a group of girls that were most likely fan girls for something. He cleared his throat before yelling, "I AM THE KING OF NEW YORK! BOW TO ME MY MORTALS!"

Blink cleared his throat again.

"SHUT UP! OFF WITH HIS HEAD!" Racetrack yelled, pointing at Blink, who rolled his eyes in return.

One of the girls, the blonde one of the group walked up to him. "Excuse me, are you Max Casella?"

"Max who?" Racetrack asked confused.

A brunette walked up next to the blonde, "Oh em gee, Brittany! He looks just like the guy from Doogie Howser M.D!" She exclaimed.

"I'm not this Max fella. See, I'm the King of New York!"

The brunette looked confused, "Are you sure."

"Yeah, I got my picture in the papers and everything."

The girl named Brittany looked very annoyed. "Whatever."

Racetrack grabbed the Burger King sack and hit her on the head, "BOW TO ME!" He exclaimed.

It was as if he called her fat or something, she looked angrier than he's ever seen someone be angry before. "You just messed up my one hundred and fifty dollar highlights." She growled.

Racetrack gulped before he turned around to face Blink and Mush, who were now done with their burgers. "Run." He said before taking off. The girls didn't follow him, Brittany burst out into tears and the other girl was trying to console her.

"There, there. We'll go get a mani/pedi, and all will be okay."

Racetrack was pleased with his attempts to annoy people, it worked very well. "Number fifty five, done!" He exclaimed, jumping.

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**Haha, silly Racetrack. Okay, coughs Anyways, reviews are much appreciated. Along with numbers on the list you would like to see acted out by our favorite gambler. Thanks for reading!**

**Oh, and by the way, to those who have asked: Yes, I have done a lot of these things with my friends and on my own.**


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